As we say goodbye (fiction)

When he say goodbye, that’s the most undescribable feeling on earth. Not even the single word. Not even thousand of words can give justice when you suddenly left and bid a farewell.

Before, we are happy. We are so happy back then that we can imagine things like fulfilling our dreams and make a family after that.

Hindi nga natin naimagine na dadating tayo sa punto na to.

I know and I am aware about our responsibilities. So, I considered our relationship, no labels, but we still give each other a flowery words. Flirting with each other.

We have same feelings but we don’t have any committment and that’s fine with us, as long as we are doing good.

Naalala mo pa ba kung paano natin paano natin pinagpaplanohan ang mga pangarap natin ng magkasama?

“I’m going to be a teacher someday.” I said.

You stood up and face me. Ah, the most beautiful man I’ve ever met.

“Can I be your student?”

We both laughed and I feel your hands on my cheek. So, soft. How he can be my student? Teacher-student romantic relationship is strictly prohibited. Hindi ko kayang labagin ang code of ethics hahaha.

Baka hindi na ako makapagturo dahil buong araw nalang kaming maglalandian.

“Nah. You can’t.” I said between my smiles. Ofcourse he can’t. He can’t resist my beauty and sexiness, so being a good boy is damn impossible for him.

He kissed my hands while looking at me straight.

“Right. Who wouldn’t? You’re irrestible.”

“Aha mister?” Did he already forgot that we are not in a relationship? Hindi niya nga ako kayang ligawan at hindi ko rin naman siya kayang sagotin.

Damn responsibilities. Parang pasan namin ang mundo.

“Kidding. I want to be an enginner.”

I pouted. Engineer? Uhmm not bad. But why?

“Why so?” Inaayos niya ang kanyang pagupo sa lupa atsaka ulit ako tinignan. He’s eyes are shining like a star, wow.

“You deserved a castle, milady. I want to build a castle for you.”

That’s when I started to loved you more.

It’s like a days when you left. Parang kahapon lang kumakain pa tayo ng paborito nating street foods. Pumupunta tayo sa bookstore para bumili ng panibagong libro o di kaya sa manga store dahil yun ang kahiligan natin. Parehas tayo ng gusto.

We are same. Kaya tayo nagclick sa isa’t isa dahil nagkakasundo tayo sa iba’t ibang bagay.

Pero bakit sa responsibilidad hindi natin makita ang isa’t isa?

I still remember the day, the most painful day for me, that’s when you decided to leave. It’s too hard to accept pero anong laban ko? We are talking about our responsiblities.

So, I let you leave. But you promised something na hanggang ngayon pinanghahawakan ko.

“I’m leaving. Pupunta na akong state, doon ako magaaral.” he said.

Diretso ang tingin niya ng pagkasabi niya non na para bang desidido na siya sa kanyang desisyon. Wala akong nakitang lungkot o saya mula sa kanya. Parang normal na salita lamang mula sa kanyang bibig. Kung magmamakaawa man ako na huwag na siyang tumuloy, mukhang napakaimposible dahil sa kanyang itsura ngayon.

“Oh r-really? T-that’s good.”

I’m not good with hide-seek feelings. Hindi na ako nagulat ng punasan mo ang namamasa kong pisngi dahil sa iyak.

Sinong hindi? I didn’t saw this coming. I can’t imagine that— it’s really a goodbye for us.

Nilapitan mo pa ako para maayos mo ang pagpunas atsaka ka nagsalita.

“I hate seeing you like this. But what would I do? My family needs me. Going to state is the only way to fulfill my dreams.”

“I know, I know. I understand, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“Until when?” Hindi ako makahanap ng sagot dahil sa tanong mo at nanatili lang akong nakatingin. Damn! I’m gonna miss those eyes.

“I want you to continue dreaming about your future without me milady.”

I cried again. Hearing those words from him makes my heart shuttered. Damn! Hindi ko alam na ganon pala kasakit.

Kahit pa sabihing wala kaming committment, pero may feelings kami sa isa’t isa.

“How? Ikaw ang nagturo saking mangarap habang kasama kita. T-that’s impossible.”

“Soon, you will. Please cut me out of the picture.” He begged. I don’t have any idea we were like this after the happy memories we made.

“I will, d-dont worry”

“Yes, but temporarily. Because I will come back my milady. I will. But for now, learn to dream alone for your family. They needs you.”

I nodded. Do I have any choice though? I need to continue for living. Not just for me, ofcourse for my family.

Responsibilities are the biggest factor in our relationship. We are not that strong to fight against it. Kaya hahayaan nalang namin tangayin kami palayo sa isa’t isa.

“I will even you’re not asking for it. But don’t promise me, na b-babalik kapa. We can’t tell. Hindi natin masasabi ang mangyayari sa hinaharap, so please! Don’t promise. Aasa ako kapag ganyan! Hindi lang dagat ang naghihiwalay satin, kundi responsibilidad. Mahirap na kalaban.”

Gusto ko mang magmakaawa sayo na ituloy natin to kahit na nasa malayo ka. Na kaya natin kahit ilang milya pa ang layo, but it’s too risky for us. Kaya mabuti na hayaan ko nalang siya.

Hinawakan mo mula ang aking pisngi at pinagdikit ang ating noo. Kita kita ko ang maganda mata nayon, at kahit ilang taon pa ang lumipas, hindi ko ata makakalimutan yon.

“Mangangako ako dahil kaya kong tuparin.”

“Please…”

“Milady, I’ll be back and build a castle for you. Just trust me. I am the one who will build your castle, milady. No other than me. So please, let me be your student when the right time will come. I love you, remember that.”

“Ma’am? Ito na po ang mga papel na naipasa nila.” Nagising ako sa pagkakatulala at tinignan ang studyante kanina pa inaabot sa akin ang papel.

“Oh, thank you. Mag lunch kana, it’s already lunch time.”

“Yes maam! Goodbye po.”

Pagkaalis na pagkaalis palang ng studyante na yon, ay kusa nalang lumabas sa aking bibig ang malalim na buntong hininga.

It’s been a years but I’m still thinking about you. Kailan kita ulit makikita?

Marami akong pending stories to share. Naabot ko narin ang gusto ko, ang pangarap ko.

Nagampanan ko na rin ang mga responsibilidad ko. Ikaw nalang ang kulang.

Iniisip ko kung natupad narin ba ang gusto mo. Kung tapos kana ba sa responsibilidad at handa kana para naman sa sarili mo, kasi ako? Handa na.

He’s now my resposibility.

Kasalukuyan akong nagaayos ng aking bag para sa susunod ng klaseng aking pupuntahan. Medyo late nga din ako dahil natulala pa ako ng ilang minuto.

Dumiretso na ako sa susunod na klase. Meron pa ngang ibang guro na gusto akong chikahin pero kailangan ko nang magmadali dahil baka nagiingay na sila at nakakagambala sa ibang nagkaklase.

At tama nga ang hinala ko. Rinig na rinig sa labas ang ingay nila na parang naglalaro pa ata.

Napakamot na lang ako sa aking batok at tahasang binuksan ang pinto.

“What’s the commotion all—-”

Sandaling napatigil ako sa aking paglalakad ng mapansin ang kanilang pinagkakagulohan.

I thought it’s just a thing, but totally not. No, it’s not a thing.

“Maam, there’s a big guy out there and he’s going to be our classmate. But he’s big.”

But a person. Natulala ako sa ginagawa nila. At hindi ako makapagsalita para maagaw man lang ang atensyon nila. Ngunit napatigil sila sa pagsasaya ng muling may sumigaw na studyante.

“Hey! Big guy! Maam is here!”

It’s a person whom I am longing to see.

Napatigil silang lahat. Pati rin siguro ang mundo ko dahil sa muling pagtama ng aming mata makalipas ng mahabang ngunit masakit na mga taon.

He’s now here.

“Milady, I will now build your castle but first let me be your student. Will you let me, milady?”

He said. Tila nagugulohan ang mga studyante kung bakit bigla bigla nalang akong umiiyak sa kanilang harapan ngunit isinawalang bahala ko lamang dahil sa nakikita ko ngayon.

Tinupad niya. Bumalik na siya. I’m so happy.

“Hell, I do! Damn. I miss you!” Tinakbo ko na ang layong namagitan sa amin at yumakap sa kanya nang mahigpit.

“I miss you too milady. You’re now my responsibility. I miss you so much!” He hugged me tight.

“We can now rebuild and level up our relationship. We are now done with our responsibilities. You can be my student and I will let you build my castle.”

“I will never say goodbye again, milady. I love you”

-artofserendipity.